It’s race week here in Texas, y’all. And I’m unsure of how I feel about it. This is not my A race, but a check in/build up race for my A race which is in the middle of May.
I have a race plan. It’s the first time I’ve ever had to write something down and execute it. Not that I didn’t have a general “plan” before, but this one is based on heart rate and effort, and I’m a little worried about sticking to it quite honestly.
I had a long run last Sunday that was a walk/run effort. I’m practicing that on my long runs because that is my plan for my full ironman marathon. I was holding an okay pace with the walk/run, but my heart rate was high. (And yes, I know the day before I spent 6 hours on the bike and I was tired) But all I could think about is the fact that my race plan calls for keeping my heart rate 10-15 beats lower than I ran for the first 3 miles on my run. I’m not sure I want to have the discipline to run that slow for the first 3 miles. It is going to feel endlessly frustrating.
Then again I’ve never successfully run on the end of a half ironman. Maybe it is because I go out to hard instead of starting steady and building? I also know that I have never raced a half ironman, that I have competed to finish the race. The goal this year is for that to change.
I’ve been afraid.
Afraid of completely emptying myself and being unable to finish. Afraid of pushing myself to that line and running along it and through the pain. Afraid of what that pain is going to feel like. Afraid that when I reach that line I will back away and weenie out instead of stepping up and being strong. These are my fears to overcome this year.
But not for this race. This race is all about control and execution of a plan. The time at the end is supposed to be the outcome from the plan, not the driving factor. I just have to keep reminding myself of that come run time. I also have to remind myself to check my ego on that line, this race is about me and my fitness. Not about crushing it so hard I can’t come back to train solidly for the rest of IM Texas training. This is not my end goal, but a step along the way.
So don’t mind me on Sunday, when I’m all up in my head arguing with myself during those 3 run laps, repeating the word restraint over and over.