I’ve spent several days thinking about this post. I started it, deleted it and started it again.
This time of year is so full of joy, and hope, and love. But it can also be full of pressure, expectations and disappointment. Right now the things going on in my life don’t really have to do with the holiday time of year, but the extra stress of the holiday season can feel like it compounds it.
I’ve felt like a chicken running around with my head cut off. We had a vacation in October, worked hard to the grind then turned around and headed to Arizona to spectate, got home to work hard, Thanksgiving, sickness of death and the stupid ice storm. It’s been a whirlwind.
There have also been personal things. I changed triathlon coaches and that transition has been difficult (not helped by the first almost two weeks unable to do my workouts with sickness of death with the new coach). Family politics on my side is never easy and that comes to a full head around the holiday season. For some people, I will never be good enough. Friends and people I helped train have had to deal with the cancellation of their marathon. Yes, its’s small, but when you work so hard for a goal and aren’t able to achieve it, it’s hard to watch them when you can’t fix it. A few friendships have also taken a hit. This one hurts the most. I can’t help but have my heart disappointed at the way things have been handled, but I can only choose how I handle it on my side.
The thing is, I didn’t really realize it was a tough time. I was just trying to keep my head down and keep grinding away. Yes, things individually swirled around in my head and heart, but I didn’t look at the whole of things until someone made a comment about me finally getting a break. And I picked my head up, and it was like, oh, yeah.
Life is hard. I think back at one of my favorite quotes, and it’s about being deeply unhappy or unsatisfied and using that to propel you to change your situation. You are in charge of you.
This, right here, is growing and changing me as a person. It’s about accepting that sometimes things are hard and it’s how we face them that matters. These are the decisions of life that shape who I am. And I hope that I’m making decisions in good faith – that when things are tough I still always choose right over easy.
I firmly believe that everyone is on their own path, and I have no right to judge someone else’s path and they don’t have a right to judge mine. So, right now my path may be a little rocky, but I know it’s only taking me on the way to a beautiful view. Besides, I’m never one for the easy way anyway.